This article is the main one on the Huffington Post divorce section page today. It asks “what are the 10 biggest mistakes people make in divorce court”
There is nothing wrong with the article per se, but it just made me wonder how these mistake making people got to court to begin with. A much larger, more challenging issue is whether people who find themselves in court in the context of divorce are there by choice, because they’ve made an informed and thoughtful decision to be there.
It makes me wonder whether or not they’ve really been made aware of the different types of ways to go about divorcing.
Many people believe that divorce is strictly a legal problem and that all decision making needs to be delegated to consulting professionals: lawyers, accountants etc…
But, as a mediator, my message is one about choice. There are ways to retain decision making authority, to manage a divorce (depending on the type of conflict one finds oneself embroiled in). One of the biggest ways is to inform oneself.
I think the biggest mistake people make in matrimonial litigation is not asking a very important question:
“And, how much will that cost?”
As mediators our quest is help people make informed decisions. When trying to decide how to proceed in any litigation, but especially in a family or divorce litigation, it is essential to understand what moving forward means.
It is one thing to sit in a lawyers office and ask the question “what am I entitled to under the law?”, but the answer given is rarely complete. The biggest costs of litigation are the transaction costs.
In addition to substantial lawyer’s fees, how much time will “X” result take? How much money will it take to get it? What is the process? What will happen to the other’s involved?
Those latter questions are rarely discussed in the context of matrimonial litigation. And that is wrong. Lacking appropriate information people make choices that don’t reflect their intention.
I’ve heard this many times; “if I only knew then what I knew now I would never have engaged in a custody dispute” or “I’ve spent more on the litigation that it would have cost to settle”.
As consumers of divorce services, people have the right to know what they’re buying. And sometimes, when properly informed, they don’t like what’s for sale.
mediatetrix 