Children are not wards of the state or in the penal system, and parenting isn’t visiting. Yet those two words are the most common terms that I hear when parents call me.”We need to discuss custody and visitation” they say emphatically and not without worry.
NO! YOU DON’T!!
It isn’t their fault, those are the terms they hear over and over again in the media, from their friends and from the law.
But, most of the time, what they really need to talk about is parenting. Period.
It is true that the term ‘custody’ is a defined legal term, but the words ‘custody’ and ‘visitation’ have diminished the importance of the non-primary residential parent (typically the father); essentially calling them a mere visitor in their child’s life.
Custody actually refers to two separate things. One is physical custody and the ‘custodial parent’ is simply the parent with whom the child spends the most number of nights. The other is ‘legal custody’ and that refers to decision making custody–who gets to make major decisions for the child.
Both can be shared equally, or divided in any number of ways that the parents agree to.
Unless and until we stop referring to our children via the terms like ‘i have custody’; implying chattle, and referring to the ‘other’ parent as though they are visiting, the divorce debacle we have going on in this country won’t get fixed.
Just because parents are divorcing from each other doesn’t mean their children transform themselves into objects and the time parents spend with them doesn’t morph into ‘visits’.
As a society we need to support post-divorce co-parenting. The only way to do that is to promote, support and empower people to have less acrimonious divorces that will enable them to focus on what matters most.
Filed under Uncategorized
mediatetrix 